Some Days I Feel Sad.

That's the quirk about being crazy and positive all the time, I think. There aren't many lows, but the lows I do have are really low.

I just want to leave. Not even to pack up, I'd take nothing with me. And it's not about leaving This Place physically as much as just cutting off all ties and starting fresh. Building my life again from the ground up. Knowing where all the stray threads are and exactly how to cut them off without unraveling everything else.

I want my life to look like this.

Clean and simple and easily comprehendible. Predictable. I don't like surprises. 

I don't like people changing. I don't like when others' moods change and cause mine to change too. I don't like being close enough to people that their feelings affect mine. I like having my mind-space to myself.

Often when I meditate, I find myself alone far under the surface of the ocean. No fish, no humans--literally nothing exists in the world but me and my mind. No one else can ever find me. This is where I am calmest, I think.

Water and sleep. That is how I fix my funk. And when I wake up tomorrow it will be as if I pressed a reset button and everything is new and clean and fresh again. Some days, though, I feel sad. Today is one of those days. 

And that's okay.